The True Enemy in the War on Christmas

Conservatives’ fervid screeds about the alleged “War on Christmas” have become an annual holiday Christmas tradition. They feel that Christmas is under secularist attack from stores that replace references to “Christmas” with more universal “Holiday” terminology.

Even though Christmas is only one of the Holy Days celebrated by Christians, Jews, and Muslims in December, ‘war on Christmas’ conservatives feel that only Christians deserve good cheer. Thus, they boycott and harass any store that attempts sensitivity towards non-Christians during the “season to be Jolly”.

In their renegade crusade against secularism, “War on Christmas” conservatives have lost sight of Christmas’ true enemy: commercialism. If the stores are to blame for killing christmas, it’s not for their generic celebrations, it’s for their pre-emptive celebration.

What originated as a celebration of the birth of the Messiah has now mutated into an ugly, horrific shopping frenzy. Yes, Jesus received gifts on Christmas, but he received them because it was his birthday. Christmas is the only situation in which it’s socially acceptable to shower somebody with gifts on somebody else’s birthday.

The ‘celebration’ of Christmas has become an epidemic plague. It sets in every November 1st, when stores replace their Halloween decorations and merchandise with those for Christmas. It doesn’t matter that there’s another unmarketable Holiday in between, Macy’s has that angle covered. They use their annual Thanksgiving Parade as an opportunity to canvas the media with images of their commercial mascot balloons and christmas-themed pageantry. In fact, a cursory glance at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade online store while reveal that every item is a Christmas Collectible.

This aggressive marketing pays off in the form of Black Friday, the day in which hordes of thriftless shoppers are inspired to storm the stores like zombies to a teriaki-covered quadraplegic. This crazed mob results in bitter disputes over merchandise, parking spots, and serves as a wonderful reminder that this is just what Jesus would have wanted us to do on his birthday.

This rampant commercialism is the harbinger of death for the True Spirit of Christmas. Instead of 12 Days of Christmas, we now effectively have 55. These 55 days of Christmas have now caused society to fee undue stress when tradition calls us to feel Jolly.


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One Response to “The True Enemy in the War on Christmas”

  1. rightbutleft Says:

    Christmas in America is just a business. And as Calvin Coolidge famously said, “the business of America is business”. Much of the priggish re-naming of Christmas as “Holiday” is about finding ways to get more cash.

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